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Mothers are the best gift of God. This I have always known but I am realizing it more now. When amma was very sick and bed-ridden, she did not wish to go to hospital and we had to listen to her. But at one stage when she didn’t eat anything at all we were very upset and felt the need for hospitalisation. She had become extremely weak. As my sister Urmila(uri) had to go to Mumbai to take care of Naren, I, with the help of my brother in law, Ravi, hospitalised amma in the near by nursing home on June 15th. Once her diet improved and she started improving each day my hopes on her complete recovery started growing. She suddenly became very bright and wanted Idli with Kara Chutney at 6 pm. on a Saturday. I was not quite prepared for that but then I rushed to Murugan Idli shop (name of the hotel) to buy for her and others in the hospital. I fed her one which she ate with relish. She gave me a beautiful smile while talking happily. So I told her that she can also eat one more for dinner. ஊசாமல் இருந்தால் (oosamal irunthal) (if it is still edible) was her sharp comment, as if to say ‘ even if you run and get it for me, even in bed I have my taste buds alright’. I was quite taken aback but said ‘Of course’, and both of us laughed. So her reactions were quite sharp even a week before her death. She was her cheerful self in spite of all odds.
The next day on Sunday Parthasarathy mama, Amritha mami, usha, Kannan and Pattu chithi had come and was talking with her for a long time. The bright smile on her face was worth any efforts, any amount of money that was spent. In fact she could also speak to Ravi,Srinidhi and uri, naren and others over phone.
I don’t think I can ever say good bye to my mother. She has been part and parcel of my life throughout. In fact the longest time I ever was away from her was for 6 months at a stretch when I was working in Delhi. After 3 more months of stay after my visit in June 1984 I came back to madras in September 1984. Since she missed me very badly I thought it is not worth staying there and obtained my transfer back to madras with the help of Delhi Ramu Anna notwithstanding the protest from the director of Dept of Science and Technology,. I distinctly remember the smile on her face when Ragahavan Chithappa and Thatha announced that I have arrived when we came back from the station.
One memory that has stayed with me was when in vedhachala garden around 6 or 6.30 in the evening she would try to eat something but her throat would choke. At that time, it would irritate me as she would have developed a throat irritation or ulcer in the throat due to long hours of tuitions which the school would have requested her to take up. As the school would have wanted a responsible teacher, they would invariably request my mother. Also that extra money would make us all more comfortable. Then she would discontinue the attempt of eating anything and settle for a boiling hot cup of coffee(which she would be able to hold only with Kiduki (tongs)and also apply glycerin with a cotton piece attached to a stick (thodapa kuchchi) to her throat and start chit-chatting in a loud voice with chithi or jaya akka or lakshmi mami or any other close relative/friend.
There was always a lighter side to her painful life. She taught me that whatever comes in ones life one should face it boldly and cheerfully. Though she always used to compliment me that she had learnt this lesson from me. She always had a few nice things to say for anyone she came across and it used to be so genuine. Many would have heard of her stories again and again but they were tireless both for the narrator and the listener. A rare phenomenon. She was asked by her school to teach a fairly dull student of 11th class (public exam then). She would narrate thus. “I kept on asking her questions on Peter kin poem after completely teaching her twice or thrice. What did peter kin find?( she had to reply ‘skull’.but she could not understand what a skull is) “I don’t know” would be the prompt reply. “I asked her- what is your maths mark?” “zero” (Jeero)was her immediate reply. “whats your science mark- “zero”. “okay. Now you draw a zero”I told her. She drew a small zero in the mud. I asked her to put a big zero and explained to her that skull is like this a round and hard thing that covers our head…..”After all these explanations I asked her “what did peter kin find?” she replied “zero”. ‘I immediately pulled her to the headmistress room and asked her forgiveness and said that ‘ even if you pay me I crore I have no stamina to teach her. You please find a better teacher’”. The way she would narrate the story with gestures would make everyone laugh.
One more howler story of a poor student (poor in studies) is that once my mom had gone for correction to down south. We would always wait for her arrival eagerly as she would tell us some jocular story and also as soon as she comes back home she would open her bag in the hall itself and hand out some gift or the other for us. Once she came back home and told us this. “that boy had written in one of the papers that- Ayya/Amma (Sir/madam, as he was not sure who is going to correct).This is the 12th time I am writing this exam. If I fail this time that man would not give me his daughter for me to marry and I love her deeply. Then I will fall in the tank and die. When you come to this place again my aavi(ghost) will catch you. So give me pass mark.?”
“so you gave him pass mark?.”we asked her.
My mother said," “no. I have no intention of coming back to this place. I had given 0 mark and gave the paper to the committee member. But when I found that I had to go back there next year, I was a little scared but I managed’ she would add.(I am not sure whether the second half was true or not.
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Once Amma, Gopala Mama, Srinidhi and I were traveling by auto to Mythiliakka’s house. We were so engrossed in our talks that over excitedly amma had slowly but steadily bit by bit had pushed her walking companion (walking stick) out of the auto and though srini pointed out, we reacted to it much latter. But we were not able to find it out that stick. All were amazed how we could loose such a big thing and be unmindful of the noise it would have made. But amma could be totally engrossed in the subject while alking.
Amma always used to refer Lakshmi mami as ‘3 in 1’ best friend cum mami cum sambandhi and this she would tell even to a stranger who would hardly know both of them. She was egoless and had no inhibitions. She was very close to Chithapavathu chithi(Jayam chithi), Sunda Mami,Jaya Akka, Mythili Akka and Singapore Jaya Akka(previously alandoor Jaya Akka) apart from so many more relatives and friends.
Amma’s very presence lightened the atmosphere and the mood especially when she was active and even latter when she was confined to her room in our T.Nagar house. There were constant visitors for her. She would attract people as though with a magic wand due to her innocent and pure approach to people and life. She gained innate respect from one and all as she respected deep at heart even if it is a small child. She had a very peculiar way of speaking which our second Mami i.e., Sampath mama’s wife Choodamani mami who used to enjoy teasing her. She would say that ‘what akka speaks only very few of her close associates can understand.” Amma would start one sentence about thatha and then answer a question by sampath mama and in between refer to her friend Lalithakumari and then go back to thatha, all at one go in a sentence without any break!!
Once she was telling Gopala Mama’s daughter Usha while showing her school from the bus ‘enga than nan always kupa kottara edam- (this is a place where I dump my garbage, which is a colloquial way of saying that I live or work here) . Immediately usha said ‘Athai don’t tell like that. People will think that you are a Kuppai kari (cleaninng woman)’. There are many bus jokes of amma. Once instead of telling ‘stopping hold on’ she said ‘stop talking’ in the bus and many laughed.
Amma had traveled widely within India (and also Nepal) along with different combinations of people like-Lakshmi Mami, Rangamama, Gopu Mama and mami, Rajamma mami,chithi and others. We (thatha,paati, amma,uri and I) have visited to most of the places where Parthasarathy mama was posted and in different combinations also. I have traveled, to Calcutta to Sampath mama’s house and also stayed in Gopala Mama’s house at Nagpur and Bangalore and Raghu mama’s house many times. She was extremely fond of her brothers and their families and in turn they were also very fond of her. This support system had helped her through during very many tough times she had to go through. She had been lucky with sons in law also though my husband died prematurely young. He was very affectionate and took care of her well. She was very fond of her first son-in-law (Ravi) who did the best for her in her last days. She used to pamper her grandchildren to the point of spoiling them and they were very fond of her. Especially Srinidhi (my daughter) was very close to her. Amma never used to get angry and she has never scolded me or uri and never has attempted to beat me or uri. Amazing quality. Not that we were very obedient or quiet. At the most only two or three things she would utter whenever we mad too much noise. 'House has to be quiet like the Rama Krishna Mutt.' Our immediate reply would be ‘we will be swamijis?’ looking at thatha who would laugh. Then it would be ‘I want implicit obedience’ which she never got from us. ‘I can manage 3000 children in the school but I can’t manage 2 children at home’ she used to tell. But on the contrary we used to bully her and even tease her in a lighter vein without any malice. I don’t regret any of these because these livened the atmosphere and we were all what we were. A bunch of loving people. She was sure of our love and affection. This utmost confidence in children she taught us though we learnt a lot from Thatha ,paati also.
Any friend or associate of amma would be known to the entire family and they would be frequent visitors to our house. So much so we were all brought up in a ever people filled atmosphere and our interactions, learning and development were all due to these practical lessons and in turn in those days personality development was complete without even having to spend much money on any of these courses. Behind all these the elders' hard work and persistent hospitality was the foundation. I feel the present day children miss out a lot due to lack of or poor interactions with family members and other relatives. How much we have enjoyed when our mother, grand mother, grand father and all uncles, aunts, and grand parent’s sisters and brothers families and other relatives used to congregate during festivals and functions. I always remember ever chattering, laughing, smiling amma during such times. I have never seen her keeping a long face or jealous about something or some one. This is a very rare gift that she has passed on to me. She always had a contented mind and never used to complain about her materialistic deficits even in those days. She did have plenty of complaints about her health in later years and always aimed for a perfect body condition even at 70 years or so!
Amma’s important job or pastime was to help people whether it is buying a piece of land or fixing up a choultry for marriage or alliance for their son/daughter or buying Gold from GRT at a concession, or some admission in a college or some one needs hospitalisation or need to take treatment for child birth. You name it she would have helped some one out with something. When I look back my reaction is ‘what a way to live’ as rightly recited by my cousin brother Kannan her aim has been to find out how she could be of some help to some one. With out any propaganda she worked tirelessly helping especially women who were in need of help. She would not hesitate to trouble any of our close relatives who were well placed for their cause and achieve in helping them. Such instances were very many. One remarkable quality would be that she will not question them as to why they want to buy this or that or want to do any thing. To her they want to buy or do something then her job was to help them out whatever way possible!
On some matters, she was quite adamant by nature and like a bull she would stand by her view where as thatha used to be equally tireless in trying to convince her of his view point. So discussions and arguments were always on the offing and we all on the whole had a never-ending entertainment in the house.
She was many people’s confidant and a constant companion for eternal shopping of ever so many and every time she went out and come back home there would a nice story. One story that I can never forget was how the next door Ambi mama (visalam teacher’s brother)while traveling along with a marriage party to Bombay had rushed to the train toilet while on the move at night and there was no water in the toilet. In the darkness, someone had handed over a big Kudam (a pot-like vessel) full of oil (to be used for the auspicious occasions during the marriage!) to him for his wash and how he had struggled and begged for ‘sikkai podi’ which he had eventually got etc., this was one of the most hilarious stories she had narrated while around 9.30 at night handing over the kalyana batchanam (Marriage snacks) before rushing back to the neighbour's house(where paati was chit chatting with seethamami).
Thatha, paati, Amma though were very different in their natures were so very well gelled together due their individualistically distinct but common attitudes towards money, materials i.e., giving secondary importance to that and primary importance to people and their feelings and feeding people with whatever food possible and showing their affection in their own way. These were flowers though of different kinds were spreading their fragrance in their own garden (vedhachala garden)and certainly we miss them and many more such beautiful flowers who were all numbered then and my mind is filled with their thoughts and heart filled with such selfless fragrance.
‘Amma, How can I ever forget you. Even choodamani mami used to say that ‘you don’t behave like mother to your daughters, but as though you are friends’. It is more applicable later on with me. We have gone around a lot, shopped a lot more than necessary,(she would not buy for herself)and eaten out a lot. You used to love going to prarthana theatre when Ravi was there and you enjoyed participating in any outing.
I miss you very much amma but what to do. Life has to take its toll and we did what the least i.e., what best we could do to you. You told me that you were happy with us your daughters and both the sons in law and grand sons and Ajeetha and especially Srinidhi her grand daughter. she was doing the japam of both our names-Srinidhi(Cheena) Radha and previously Ellama(who was with her dedicatedly for 3 years).I am happy that though you are not with us you are with your better half and all the other loved ones there in heaven!. I am sure you would bless us all from there always.
Yours ever loving daughter
Radha.
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