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Life, a former colleague of mine told me recently, is a continuing experience of several deaths, till it culminates in one’s own death. These may be of one’s dreams, ideas, ambitions and career or of life itself. He was making this statement in the context of the death of a newspaper with which he was closely associated.
Deaths of two persons in the family, whom I was fond of, in a span of six months affected me deeply. The first was Sridhar, Raghavan mama’s son, who was my classmate in Vivekananda college for a year. Though he was my mother’s cousin, he was only a few months older than me and we were good friends. I remember the days we used to take a walk upto Foreshore Estate when we were students. The beach used to be very clean then. We played cricket together on holidays on the banks of the canal. The team was made up mostly of cousins; the only outsiders being one Viswanathan who was working in Simpsons and his nephew who was Sridhar’s classmate in Engineering College. I don’t remember Sridhar ever getting angry or agitated. He always had a pleasant disposition and was the same whenever I met him. Kausalya and I visited him and his wife Nalini a few months before his untimely death. We hoped and prayed that he’d get well soon. But it was not to be. He was more a friend than a cousin and above all a gentleman. I find it difficult to reconcile myself to the fact that he is no more.
Vanaja akka, whose first cousin Sridhar was, lived a longer life and had experienced more pain and suffering. The loss of her son when he was hardly six months old, the death of her husband after only a few years of marriage and the shift from Delhi to Madras with two small daughters must have been traumatic. She qualified herself to be a teacher and derived a lot of satisfaction from her job. Two of her younger brothers predeceased her – one of whom died in a building collapse in which his entire family perished. The loss of her second son in law a few years back was another major blow. Any other person in her place would have been shattered by all these tragedies coming at regular intervals. But the remarkable quality in Vanaja akka was that she always remained positive. Her daughter Urmila told me that her mother’s philosophy was “when God closes one window, He opens another”. She always looked for the window that was open. She used to visit the RK Mutt temple and the Kapaleeswarar temple very regularly. Perhaps it is this unshakeable faith in the Almighty that gave her sustenance.
Everyone will have experienced akka’s warmth and hospitality. She was an extrovert and loved to have people around her. I’ve seen her cry at times which can only be expected from people who are emotional. But she was mostly cheerful and would always give some news that was interesting. She could be indiscreet but because of her personality always got away with it.
Akka was a helpful person by nature. Anyone who approached her with a problem could have the satisfaction that it was taken to the notice of the authorities. I received a 2-page letter from her regarding the pension problem of one of her former colleagues. I had great difficulty deciphering it because one had to read it not only horizontally but also turn it 90 degrees on either side to find the important information that was there in the margin. When Kausalya also could not make out some of the sentences, I called Akka and asked for clarification. She told me disarmingly” I don’t remember what I wrote. Whatever my colleague told me, I put it down in that letter. I’ll ask her to contact you and clarify your doubts!.”
Vanaja akka was one of the most affectionate persons in the family. She was generous in her praise and always made one feel good. She could not attend Radhika’s arangetram in December 2007 but got a first hand account from Urmila and Radha. When we met her later, she said she missed the function very much. She had called Kausalya innumerable times to compliment her on an article after reading it in The Hindu. She never failed to enquire about Rahul and Radhika. Kausalya and I called on her to wish her and seek her blessings when she turned 75. She was very happy and despite her poor health was talking affectionately for a long time.
The last few months of her life had been difficult for her. But she was lucky to have Urmila and Radha as her daughters and Ravi as her son-in-law. Ravi looked after her as a dutiful son would and the daughters with their love and affection made her forget all the trauma she had undergone. She will be missed by a lot of friends and relatives. We’ll remember her as a person who had genuine affection and goodwill for everyone and remained positive despite heavy odds. Kausalya adds that she will always remain in our hearts.
Santhanam, paternal cousin's son
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