Saying goodbye to a cousin

 


If you want to sum her up in one word she was a “character”. Vanaja Akka as we affectionately called her had always been a staple part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was young I remembered her as a teacher who constantly had papers and red ink pens and always was catching up on her corrections. She was always on the run – going to catch a bus to go to school, going to RK Mutt for Ekadasi bhajans or going on some volunteer errand for someone she barely knew.

I am always thankful that she introduced me to the bhajans of R.K. Mutt as they added a lovely and calming facet to my otherwise structured school life. I still visit the mutt when I visit Chennai and still long to go sit for the Ram Naam bhajans every Ekadasi.

She had stories to tell – mostly funny ones and even when they were repeated they were still funny like we were hearing it for the first time. She insisted on feeding me even if I politely refused 15 times, she would make a mess of the kitchen in her hurry to get you the most delicious pakodas or kesari and when you work past your “I really am not hungry” irritation – you will feel the pure unselfish love she has for you. She never did anything expecting you to give her something and even if she did ask for something it would be something extremely small like a red ink pen or a peeler.

She taught me to help people without thinking too much on why I should, taught me to not be bitter and taught me to be nice to strangers. I have seen her many times go to Nalli Silks and bug them for a discount even though the person buying the sarees did not feel they needed a discount – it was her duty to ask and get them the discount and no one had any choice on asking her to stop. Same thing with asking her cousins to help a friend’s brother in law or another teacher’s sister – never hesitated to walk miles to go ask someone to help with a job search.

Her adoration for her Correspondent was amazing – even though we made fun of her, I learnt how we all need angels and mentors as we go through life. I don’t remember her being angry about her life or complaining about what she did not have or being jealous about someone else. She could never keep a secret and would always share some news and tell you “please don’t tell anyone” and say the same to 10 other people. Again, never malicious –maybe talkative.

I had fun on long train trips with her as the more agitated she got with our antics, the more fun we had teasing her. I don’t remember her angry or bitter or even upset for more than a few minutes. That is something I am still trying to learn.

I cannot imagine my childhood without her funny, anxious and ubiquitous presence and I will miss her as a person who cared for this world and cared for people around her without any expectation. She was my mother’s best friend and I grieve for my mother who is sad that her best friend is not here anymore to call her even if it is for a second to say hello.

Vasumathi (Shantha Ranganathan), Maternal cousin


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