What I have Acquired and Learnt from my father It is said that no man is hero to his valet. Perhaps no man is hero to his son also. It is not easy being friends with your father, particularly in those days when all the elders were respected and therefore so remote.. Like many fathers and sons, we expressed through actions, rather than words. But it took me a long time to realize that my father had great qualities and that I have acquired a few, learnt some and admired many of those qualities. For many years, I felt a resentment that my father chose to wear a tuft, was always in dhoti and had the namam on his forehead. With age came the realisation that here was a man with the courage of his conviction. He had been told by his parents to be so and actually liked to be traditionally attired. In fact he gave up the chance to become Inspector of Education because it might have required change of attire. It does not require any courage to follow the crowd, but it takes a lot of courage to be different. And from the age of 35 or so, I have admired him for this courage. I think I was in third form (8th Standard) when there was a word in The Hindu that I did not know. I asked my father what the word meant. He explained the meaning and then told me, ’You should also look up the word in the dictionary.’ There was an Oxford Dictionary in our house. From that time, the dictionary and thesaurus have been my companions. Perhaps my interest in reading the dictionary launched me into the wonderful world of cryptic crosswords. Today we have three dictionaries (big, medium and small) and three thesauri (I have looked up in the dictionary and found that both thesauruses and thesauri are right) in our house. Since both Amritha and I are crossword enthusiasts, they are all used regularly. So looking up in the dictionary is a habit that my father gave me and I thank him for that. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing. On this count, my father did not grow old. His optimism and sense of humour never deserted him. When my sister and I were taking him by car to the hospital for his first cataract operation (at the age of 81), my sister asked him whether he was afraid. He replied, kann doctor Anandakannanaa irukkarache naan edhukku bhayappadanum?’(Why should I be other than happy when the eye doctor is Anandakkannan). Of course he was also famous for harmless lies. After paying more than 2 Rupees for the vegetable, he would happily tell my mother that it was very cheap and was only a rupee. But he had never harmed anybody by lying nor had he ever told a malicious lie. I like to believe that this harmless lying was a part of his sense of humour. I have definitely inherited his sense of optimism and humour (and harmless lying also). My father belonged to a generation of men who would not do any work that was perceived to be done only by women. But he was an exception. He liked to cook and was a good cook. He also would cut vegetables and generally help in cooking without feeling any uneasiness. Once when he was cutting vegetables, Mr. Krishnaswami Sarma, the owner of LIFCO had come. My father got up, made sure that that the visitor was seated in his chair and went back to cutting the vegetable and their entire conversation was carried on along with the vegetable-cutting. I have inherited this trait and would help around the house. But my wife does not allow me to do many jobs inside the house and so I restrict myself to shopping. But I have no qualms about doing household work which is definitely an inherited quality. It is a well-known fact that my father had a flair for writing. He had mentioned that even while in college, he used to contribute articles to English and Tamil magazines. Later he wrote English, History and Geography books for Oxford University Press, Orient Longmans and other publishers and notes for LIFCO. I have personally used his notes only once. It was his interpretation of Julius Caesar that got me an A+ in Advanced English in my pre-university. I have inherited the skill of writing. But he was a master of the craft while I am slightly more than a novice. I am not saying this with humility. He was an original writer while all my three books were written based on research (intelligent copying) from the net. Another important difference is that even I have difficulty in reading my hand-writing while my father had an excellent handwriting. Nevertheless I am happy to have inherited this quality. When I retired, I was asked whether I had any regret that I could not become General Manager as I joined service late. I told them that I have inherited something from my father that was more precious than any post or benefit that Railways could offer. To the intrigued questioner, I said, “Whenever I hit the bed in the night, I am asleep within ten minutes. And when I go to bed at 10.30 P.M., I do not get up anytime in the night except when it is time to wake up. Is it not a greater blessing than anything else in life?” I think two qualities of my father contributed to his ability to sleep immediately and peacefully. One was contentment which came from the fact that he was mentally, physically and spiritually balanced. The other was his absolute and unshakeable faith in God. I think that this faith gave him happiness and peace and harmony. One of his statements had helped me attain almost the same level of contentment in my life. Once when somebody complained to him about not getting the promotion, my father said, ‘What you have not got was never meant to be yours. So why do you feel bad and spoil your health?’ We all know of his fondness for the Tamil saying – kittaadhaayin vettena mara (Just forget what you have not got). Though we were not rich, my parents were never miserly in the use of edible oil or coffee seeds - in fact on any item of food. They were not miserly in feeding guests and there were always lots of them. Our house was known as Central station as there would be at least 10 people on any day. Nor was my father miserly in buying newspaper or magazines or books. It was only after I had a family of my own that I used to wonder how my parents had managed to feed so many and educate all of us on a small salary and with no amenities like the fridge and gas that we take for granted. Though my father’s salary was small, his income from tuitions and writing books and notes helped. After 1963, my sister’s salary was also available. Yet I know a lot of people in a similar position had started counting pennies. But my father had always felt that money was only a means to happiness and not happiness itself. He used to say that money that could not be spent on family was useless. And for my parents, family was a term encompassing practically every known person. I feel that I have inherited the attitude that money is only a means to happiness and not happiness itself. Talking of family, he was the patriarch of the large family, a mantle that he easily inherited from his father. Almost everyone would come to him for advice, help or just to talk and listen to him. He kept the larger family together in a number of ways. One of them was attending all functions, minor or major. When he came to Bombay in 1988, he was nearing 80, yet went by train to Pune to attend the funeral of a relative’s relative. The other important action that he did for the family was to cast the horoscope of every child that was born. Alas, the horoscope note is lost, but I can see it in my mind with the horoscope of everyone in the large family. I think I have inherited this feeling about the importance of family though in a small measure. From 2000, I have been maintaining an e-Newsletter for the family (much smaller by my father’s definition, but consists of my siblings and their children and my wife’s siblings and their children). I think my wife (who is my father’s sister’s grand-daughter) has inherited this trait to a much greater extent. His relationship with everyone was on the basis of respect and trust which came because of his personal integrity. He had never sought any undue favours for himself or his children. After I had finished my B.E. and was looking for a job, someone told my father to seek the help of Ramu anna (his nephew, Periya Ramu who was General Manager of Chemplast and who had a very high regard for my father). My father would not do that, but told me to go and meet Ramu anna on my own. I did get the job and joined Chemplast in October 1967. After the interview, Ramu Anna told me,” Mama never told me that you are looking for a job. Had he told me, you could have joined us in July itself.” We were all taught to treat all human beings with respect and compassion – whether it was Masilamani, barber of the family, Muthamma, the washerwoman, Unnamalai, the servantmaid, Nagappa Mudaliar, the grocer, Ellappa Mudaliar, the clothes merchant or the postman or any other person. When I say ‘we were taught’ you may get a feeling that my father told us. His greatest quality was that he never told us anything. It was always by example. People tell me and my wife that we have been lucky with peons and servants. We are lucky because we have learnt that if you treat a person well, he will respond positively. I remember to have seen my father getting angry when I was young. But they were rare occasions and became rarer still. In the last 40 years of his life, I don’t think he became angry even once. If he did not like an argument or a person, he would quit the place. After all anger needs two persons. Again I am happy to have inherited this trait. Though I was a rebellious boy in my younger days, I have got angry just once in my entire career spanning 37 years. And I have to thank my father for this. Once when my son was young, we had come to Madras from Baroda. My father was telling him about Ramanuja’s debates. At one stage, my son corrected him. My father was surprised and asked him how he knew. My son replied that he had read about Ramanuja in comics. On his next visit to our place, my father read all the Amar Chitra Kathas that my son possessesd. My father was a learner throughout his life and believed that the joy of learning can last a lifetime. I am happy that I have inherited this quality. Once somebody had come to our house and complained that he had been moved from an important to an unimportant post. What my father told him struck me so well that it became an article of faith for me in my career. He said,” Listen, the only important post in your life is the one that you are occupying at the moment. All the rest are irrelevant.” My father used to quote a number of poems by Shelley, Byron, Longfellow etc. But I think he lived his life by these lines from H.W.Longfellow’s Psalm. Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant! Let the dead Past bury its dead! Act -- act in the living Present! Heart within, and God o'erhead! There are a number of other qualities of my father that have impressed me. His powers of concentration were phenomenal. He would be busy writing a book even when there was unbearable noise all around him. His phenomenal memory was because of his powers of concentration. He could recite English and Tamil poems that he had learnt years earlier. He would not like to bother others even if he was unwell. He had narrated how he was bitten by a bandicoot in the night, but did not want to wake anybody up and waited till morning to go to the doctor. I could go on and on about his numerous good qualities. But if I am asked to name one quality of my father that has impressed me the most, it is that he never forced his views on anyone including children or grandchildren. He performed daily pujas, but never bothered whether we took part in it or not. He would not force us to study. We were free to go out and play throughout the day. One may argue that this democratic approach may not work in today’s competitive world. But my children were brought up in the same democratic way as I was and they have performed reasonably well in today’s world. Narsi Mehta, the famous Gujarati Saint has described the qualities of a true Vaishnava in his famous song - Vaishnava Janato, immortalized y M.S.Subbulakshmi and which was Gandhiji’s favourite. The original song in Gujarati is here. Vaishnava Janato theyney kahiyeh, Jeh peeda paravo janarey Para duke upkar karey thoyeh, Mana abhimana na aaneyrey. Sakala lokamam sahiney vandhey, Ninda na karey keyneerey Vacha-kacha maha nichchalarageh, Tantan jananeey theyneerey. Sama drishti ney trushna tyagi, Para stree kee jeyney mathare Jihvah thakee asathya na boley, Para dhana nava janey haatharey. Moha maya vyayeh nasi jeyney, Druda vairagya jeyna mana mamrey Rama nasaram thali lakhi, Sakala theeratha theyna thana mamrey. Vana loopee ney kapata rasithachey, Kama krodh nivaar yaarey Paney nara samyo theynum thara sana karatham, Kula eko theyra dharymrey The meaning of the above song is given below: A true Vaishnava is one who feels deeply the sorrows and miseries of others and goes out to help them. Blessed is the mother who gave birth to a son full of love to all creatures on earth, finding fault with none and who is pure in thought, word and deed. He is only a true Vaishnava who is equipoised, who has transcended all attachments to desires, who looks upon other ladies as his mother, who is truthful and who does not touch others’ property. He is a true Vaishnava who is the embodiment of service to God and His devotees. His darshan is enough to save one from entering Hell. A person who displays such sterling qualities and also worships Vishnu is indeed a true Vaishnava. I would state without any hesitation that my father fulfilled Narsi Mehta’s criteria and was a true Vaishnava. On his birth centenary, we pray to him and seek his blessings. S.Parthasarathy