Thatha - Hundreds Of Thoughts (Tributes) On Your Centenary I wondered what I would write about Thatha, where I would begin and how I would continue and where I would end. This has been in my mind for a very long time as it was quite difficult. Difficulty was not in expressing my thoughts, thanks to him I have a tolerable language. But it was in opening up to the world something I treasure. It is emotion filled, full of reverence and gratitude, a gratitude to God having shown me a truly wonderful being in the world, having given the opportunity to have been recipient of his love and affection throughout my life till he lived, have learnt many things from him (that is- what little I know). Most importantly I have been his grand daughter and spent long years with him in the same house. Thankful to my husband too who loved thatha and paati and I was able to spend long years with them in Vedhachala Garden even after marriage. Indeed God has been very kind to me. Indeed it is very tough to write about him and I wish he had been a little bad so that my eyes will not be so filled with tears that it prevents me from seeing the monitor. As you can feel these are not mere words of praise or appreciation but opening up of a heart and soul to share the past. To do so I had to begin from the 0th day of my life till today and my style of writing had also to change from ‘I think’ to more of ‘I feel’ as a way of expression. Knowing Thatha As Well As I Do This is the first reaction I got when I was asked to write about Thatha. Interestingly, knowing Thatha as well as I do, I am very certain that, that would have been the reaction of all those who are writing in this book or have told something to Mama about him or not written any thing in this book, yet so close to him or have been the recipient of his love and affection or associated with him for some time and have recollected the good olden days. Precisely this was a rare quality he possessed; nay, this was one of the rarest qualities he possessed which I intend recalling from my heart. Both Thatha and Paati (patso as I used to fondly call her) would always make anyone talking to them feel most special and important as they were most true with their concern and feelings. When I have to write about Thatha its impossible not to mention Paati who again was an embodiment of lovely qualities of simplicity, love, general genuine concern for all, tirelessly hard working for the cause of family and those associated with her, patience, quick wittedness and intelligence to mention a few. So much so in those days of total mingling, interaction, over concern, over reactions etc., in spite of so much ups and downs and turbulent times they crossed and traveled they had no one as their foe or enemy. At no point of time they have fought with anyone even whilst living in row type of houses where there was very little privacy! That was the most amazing thing which I still look up at awe and respect. When I recall I feel it is an impossible task and how adjustable and tactful and wonderful they must have been. Any time, that is any age -whether 40 years back or 20 years back or 5 years back or now it is indeed a very rare gifted quality of - not picking up quarrels, not to have been bossy, over powering, bombastic, boastful, rude. No, at no point of time in my life I have shared with them.(3 and 1/2 decades) can I recall their ever having quarreled with anybody. They must have come across friends of different kinds and nature, many strangers like vendors, shop keepers etc., been close to various types of people- relatives with different qualities, concerns, problems etc., but very close to them but none had fought with them ever. All I recall are words of extreme kindness, love, affection, concern, respect, arguments, difference of opinion discussed in a very nice way. When there had been ‘in- house difference of opinion’ also (which has to be the part and parcel of any household) thatha would try to quickly resolve it and patch it up smoothly. Never would he criticize. Paati who was mostly soft would go very upset and concerned and wonder what has gone wrong. That’s all. All the above must have been possible as thatha had absolutely no expectations from others and paati very little (even that was of expecting people to visit her and talk to her and never otherwise). They were totally not materialistic even by trace. This is yet another rarity in these days. This unusual or much sought-after quality of living without expectations about anything or from anyone must be the root cause of his (their) utmost peace and sense of fulfillment which he transferred to those around him without any one realizing it. This made thatha a ‘viveghi’ and naturally relatives and friends knowingly or unknowingly revered him and consulted him for most of their major decisions. His words were truthful and never would he flatter any one either for satisfying his needs or achieving something. Well, his needs were very few and he never aspired for any wealth or materialistic gains or name for himself. When there was need for money in the family and opportunity to write he wrote books and earned some money. When he had to settle his very young widowed daughter whom he loved most who had some money with her, he mobilized some more money by way of loan from Fund Office and from his sons to buy a house for Amma as a security for her. He would take tuitions precisely for the requirements of the family. But he was very ethical and professional about the number of students to whom he could give adequate attention and therefore the number of tuitions was always limited. These tuitions helped many to shape up their lives but thatha would not aspire to earn more and more. That’s all the attention he has ever paid to money and material. So much so when he died at the age of 90 none needed to run hither and thither to obtain even a ‘Death Certificate’ as he had no other valuable belonging except his own loved ones and kith and kin that he left behind then. In these days of aspiration for material, money and power we can all surely feel proud that ‘there lived this man who was brainy and brilliant, but did not aspire to amass wealth, never hankered after post or power of any kind whatsoever but strove to be most truthful to himself, his God and his family, relatives and his friends and by dint of his hard work and simplicity built a huge kingdom of relationship of families with love and friendship as the unshakable foundation.’ Uri and I used to say that thatha earned an amazing quantity of goodwill - by investing in people. He had a perfect balanced mental slot for each and every one and would understand anyone completely but mostly would never reveal what precisely he had understood about them to anyone but occasionally use it only if some one close had to be warned or the person himself or herself has not understood themselves or their pattern of behaviour and they have to be cautioned for their own good. This complete understanding of people as far as I have seen has not biased him in his views and also he has never thought some one is very good or some one is very bad. I still look back with wonder how he could achieve this balance and possess it in all walks of his life. When I was adolescent, I used to adore bombastic language in my writing and told him so. He was not harsh or angry with me but told me politely that ‘writing should be simple and enjoyable. You should express yourself completely’. He had told me that ‘My Experiment with Truth’ by Gandhiji was his most favourite book as Gandhiji had expressed himself wonderfully well in the simplest language. Whatever he would suggest for reading, I used to read them and enjoy them. I used to read the poems written by me to him as soon as I finished it. At times he would stop me and ask me why I have written that way. When he found anything that had a tinge of negative in it he would talk about it but generally he liked my originality and appreciated it. In fact I had read all my poems only to him and no one else. He was most sincere in sharing his views and also in his appreciation. This again was a very rare quality as this sincerity had an embodiment of goodness and blessings to go with it. Thatha wanted me to take up English literature but when I was offered Physics in QMC then, I took it up on the day of my marks so as not to trouble any one in the family (except in Physics I scored average marks in the rest). I had thought that I could also be free of trouble and enjoy the entire holidays and my people also would be relieved. I also like physics. But he knew and told that I have a very indifferent attitude and that it would not get me anywhere. (precisely) I have fought tooth and nail with him or rather argued over issues concerning religion, religious views, discrimination, Brahminical inclinations etc., though I was quite aware as to what a broad-minded person he was but now when recalled I know most of our arguments were meaningless. He had his definite views and knowledge about religion, worship, reasons and cause for worship, methods and methodologies and ultimately the need to surrender and attain moksha. He was a fully awakened soul. But the point to be noted here is that he would go to any level or wavelength of mind and try his best to understand another point of view. He was so very religious and truly God-loving that when I was agnostic he was not ashamed or worried or afraid to acknowledge but failed to understand how any one could be as good or as sweet as I was ( so he thought!) could ever turn away from God and so the arguments. How could someone just go to a fine temple not to pay respect and have a glimpse of the Almighty but take pictures of the architectural beauty. Well, I tried and succeeded to some extent in making him understand the ‘other point of view’. ‘Idol worship’ is the beginning of religion or LKG in philosophy so he said and it is essential for many. Never have I heard him talk about anyone or anything or any form or mode as inferior or something as superior. He was truly most broad-minded and this was acknowledged and certified by some of my friends either boys or girls of other community like Thevar or Vellalar or of other religion like Christians or Muslims who had the opportunity of talking and spending some time with him and they cherished that. (He did have the desire to get his children and grandchildren married in the same caste and creed which I feel is a natural desire). I think, these talks of some God being superior or inferior is more heard now than then. Though he was religious and strict with his own religious practices, usages and customs he never imposed them on any one not even on his family members. He was very friendly and would attune himself to anyone or any friends of the family members of any age group and interact with them interestingly. So much so even youngsters felt nice talking to him and loved spending time with him or when he was around. All these because he would never interfere or dictate terms of living or preach dogmatic rules or dos and don’ts, It is quite difficult to see yet another person of his caliber and composition who understood, professed and practiced the value of individual’s freedom. Even many of our friends would envy us for such complete free environment we had in our family. He adapted very well with changing times but strictly following his way of life for himself till his last breath. Thatha was extremely hard-working and one thing anyone knowing him would recall would be his enthusiasm for work. He had absolute love for all he did whether it was routinely switching on water motor on time and anxiously waiting for it to over flow and hear the overflowing sound of the water tank (in spite of paati’s or our shouting to switch off) or purchasing milk from the milkman or buying vegetables or groceries from the vendors or shop or cutting to size tough vegetables (vazhapu or vazhathandu or magali or cane sugar or Big sized Jack Fruit), opening and closing of the front door (‘gate’) for the visitors or answering the advertising agents. Even after a long day of hard work, after a function in the house, I distinctly remember, when all of us, both youngsters, kids and middle aged and old were lying down to rest a while after a heavy good meal, when paati wanted something from the shop, he was the first one no…no… the only one to respond to her call to buy something from the shop for her next session of evening Tiffin. His immediate comment was ‘I will go. All are taking rest. Why disturb them’ though he was the eldest one. Both were tireless, ceaseless, enthusiastic workers who loved their role truly and it was no doubt wonderful staying with them and being part of that household. He was a willing and busy worker like an ant. Here was yet another rare quality that Thatha possessed - his enthusiasm for life. Another great quality that Thatha had was his strict control on the quantity of food that he ate. He would not compromise on the quality, but even if it was something he liked he would eat just a little. My Chithi used to say ,bajji pottalum avar 4 sappitutu niruthiduvar. Michava vetitittu avastha paduva. (even if he is given bajji, he would stop with 4. Others would eat more and suffer)’ His total enthusiasm for life and briskness and total lack of laziness coupled with limited intake of food must have been the secret of staying young, agile and fit till 90 years. He was very diplomatic but quite frank when he felt it was necessary to assert his view point or make the other person understand their mistake for their own good. All these only when anyone approached him for advice which he used to give judiciously but I have never heard him put anyone down or ridicule them or tease them or do any such mean thing. When we see in black and white it will look very distant quality but to practice that throughout one’s life is a rarity indeed. He loved one and all alike. Though I think I was very close to him and he also loved Uri very much and I had tried to get from him the list of people at his heart in order of priority, I am sure he loved equally all his friends, relatives, nieces and nephews (especially), daughter’s in law (son , grandson in law), children, grandchildren, his wife and his sister and brother and their family and great grandchildren. He truly followed the order assigned by God and did his duty as well as he could. (no one could have done even half better). Whoever had more problems and whoever had to be helped more or looked after more he loved them more. This is absolutely impossible for any of us if any one of us have to introspect and come out with an answer. He with his sister .(Rukmani athai) ‘Rukmani!’ he used to call and brother. (Chithappa) ’Raghava’ he used to call), Jayam (Chithappa’s wife was yet another sister for him).The rare love the living sister then and the two brothers shared needs special mention. In any wedding or function irrespective of however many people were around, everyone would be pushed out of an invisible circle of love that would encompass only athai, chithapa and thatha. Also, chithapa and thatha had an invisible circle (which was the first circle) which contained only them when they were talking or interacting. Though the two of them were very individualistic and in many ways different, but, their truthfulness and simplicity and approach to their special relationship which made many say that they lived like ‘Rama And Lakshmana’ as Thatha was full of patience and Chithappa was short tempered at times. Even today I sometimes recall their love and tell myself they were the finest brothers of living example worth emulating. (who I had seen ). He never attempted even once to question this order of God and so he was totally peaceful and harmonious within himself and outside. This Harmony is a worthy possession and his rare gift. One thing I look up and wonder is that how these people never felt bored and not even once in their entire life say that they were bored with life or anything. Even when we all used to say that we were bored and would like to go out somewhere to the beach or park he had never felt the urge to go out somewhere but would enthusiastically take us out when we were young. This is impossible in present times. This must have been possible as they did not acknowledge the concept of boredom. They lived life as it came every day and enjoyed that. That’s how they could adjust to any living condition at any point of time, anywhere without complaining. I think this an impossible quality which is worth and useful emulating. Thatha loved children as he thought they were pure forms of God and children loved thatha as he allowed them every prank they wanted to do in the house or outside or on thatha himself!! As the dos and don’ts of thatha were nil or minimal, he was loved by youngsters and the generation gap was missing. This helped the smooth running of family. These qualities are beautifully talked and shared but we should understand that I am talking of a time when all close families had different homes situated elsewhere but they lived together as a harmonious group. Thatha had not dictated terms to any one, even to me though he was my guardian and guide who did everything for me. This sense of perfect freedom helped people around to understand themselves better and made every one in our family (larger family) individualistic and special. Why I am reiterating this is that even though he was respected and his opinion was valued through out he was not bossy at all, On the other hand he acted like a glue or lubricant in the relationships. So the respect he gained was very true. This is yet another rare quality he possessed. Thatha was very modern in the sense that he knew the value of true freedom. He always used to say’ mind should be your fortress. And God is a thought in that’. I learnt that he was a true intellect, a voracious reader who knew the complete secret of life and nature. There was a shine of knowledge in his eyes always. He was a perfect Scorpio who knew the secret of life as Lynda Godman analyses, with a perfect balance of a Libran, without any strain to do so and he shared his love and was just and kind like the Leo and a cancer Ian and Pisces at home. These effortless combinations without any aberration were rare indeed. Thatha was jovial and fun loving, surprisingly. He would listen to every commentary, follow Olympics, Tennis to the extent exposure was there at that time and enthusiastically discuss them with neighbours, friends and relatives. He was keen on following day to day current affairs and heated discussions would go on between him and Sampath Mama on Indian politics. Thatha was always open to reason and mama was an ardent admirer of Congress. Thatha had his interest in listening to good music, dramas, discourses and sometimes movies. He enjoyed the films like Gandhi and Sankarabharanam and read plenty of books and periodicals. He never failed to read one book religiously each day which was ‘Ramayana’. I once asked him many years ago, if he was not bored of reading the same book each day early in the morning after a good bath. He had discussed with me dispassionately about Rama being a very good king etc., But he said that ‘Rama’ was the most serene person who had lived, was an ‘avathar’ of God and when he read the ‘Holy Book’ every day, it helped him maintain the calmness of his mind and he felt that serenity being passed on to him. So much so when we were all too worried how he would take his dear sister’s death and latter his most dear brother’s death he was calm. All of us were dumb-struck and thrown off when Sampath mama’s entire family perished. Though he was grief-stricken and sad, (crying like a cow (pasu madu) which was how he was described by elders), he did not curse God or get upset or was imbalanced but stayed calm and collected throughout counting his ‘Gayathri Manthram’ with his fingers. Since Thatha liked and appreciated my poems I dedicate this to him: I Wondered What Would I Write About Thee, Hundreds Of Thoughts On Your Centenary; Your Strong Calm Mind Sending Smooth Waves Of Peace All Around You Onto Others. Not Once Have I Seen You Flinch Or Cry Nor Curse the Fate nor God in Disgust; Nor Have I Seen You Fume And Fret With Anger Or In Despair; You Were Full Of Enthuse For Cooking, Walking, Sharing And Working; Letting Many Gape By Your Tireless Ways; Befriending One And All Unintentionally By Your Values, Wisdom, Fine Quality Support Of Better half, Spontaneously; You Stood So Strong Like The Rock In Hours Of Need For The Loved Ones With A Keen Directional Sense; Your Calm Mind Was Like The Pacific, But Causing No Ripples Even When Some Stones Of Unpleasantness Thrown; Yet You Were Sensitive To Others Problems. What Little I Have I Owe It To You- My Confidence, Expressions, Determination, Good Qualities (If Any), Patience At Times Of Stress And The Unshakable Faith In God As I Saw You Possess Them All In Abundance And Instill In Young These Values Effortlessly Built-in; I Am an Agnostic Turned Believer And Your Contributions Are In That Too!! I Say It All With A Mind So Clear For I Am Never A Liar And That Again I Owe It To You! Radha Seshadri